Squire's Squadron's Speaking in Tongues!

Squire's Squadron is speaking in tongues! But only half of them apparently.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Ballad of Asian Samurai! For Racists like Yyyyyyoooooouuuuu!

Now I've begun to notice that a lot of anime characters and heroes are not ethnically correct. Hell, with manga like Naruto, Bleach and even Afro Freakin' Samurai there must be some damn Asian Hero (Hiro from Heroes doesn't count as that's just too obvious that they did that so people wouldn't complain why there's no damn Asians)! Fear not however, as I will draw up an Asian Samurai comic!*

Writer's Note: I suck at drawing so here's the script for Asian Samurai: Gettin' Ready to Kick Some Whitey's Ass!

NARRATOR: In a cold, high mountain cave somewhere in China or Japan, there stirs a figure. His short, skinny exterior lay cold as he was quietly munching on a rice cake. As he hobbled out of his cave, a tallish figure stared down on the pitiful figure below through binoculars.

CHUCK NORRIS (SPEAKING INTO WALKIE TALKIE): Okay, so I acquired the target. He looks pretty skinny. I bet I can take him.
VOICE: NO! Norris, you our only hope, as the most ass kicking white guy on the Planet right now. But, be weary,'cause his Asian powers will be too strong for you. Wait 'till he sleeps then slit his throat.
CN: Rodger that.
N: It is way past midnight and Norris becomes weary of waiting. So, he decides to get on his horse and cowboy it up to Asian Samurai. As he approaches the cave he takes out a knife and enters. He checks to make sure Asian's eyes are shut and tight, and they were. As he tried to plunge the dagger into his heart, Asian Ninja leaped into the air and furiously punched Norris with his lightning quick Asian fists.
CN: Wait, how were you able to do that? I thought you were asleep?
AS: Silly fool! My eyes were open the whole time!
CN: Wait, how can you be speaking English anyway?
AS: Enuff wit dis racism. Let's DUUUUEEELL! (Asian Samurai unsheathes his blade) Show me what ya got cracka!
N: Chuck Norris pulls out a pistol and shoots Asian Samurai square in the chest.
AS (Limping and coughing up blood):Dammit! If Ohhnnnlyy Ayyyyyzziahhhnns didn't invent gunpowdah!
CN: Dat was way too easy.
AS: Sneak Attack Flying Kick of Asian Death! (Asian Samurai's kick knocked Chuck Norris off of his high horse that he suddenly was on) Haha! That 'ill knock you off ya high horse!
CN: I thought I shot you right in the heart. (Asian Samurai reveals his chest, which was so pencil thin that Norris had no chance of hitting him) Okay, how about this. No weapons, just a battle to the death.
AS: Sorry, I'll never relinquish my weapons. Banzai! (Asian leaps into the air yet again and
his blade comes crashing down, the earth underneathe neatly sliced) Come back heah ya cowahd!
CN (Yelling into Walkie Talkie):Abort mission! Abort! Send me some help!
VOICE: Sorry, we warned you. (Chuck Norris then falls into a pitfall filled with sharp bamboo sticks)
N: Will this be the end of Chuck Norris? Who was the voice that wanted Asian dead? Will you stick around for for the next edition of Asian Samurai? I hope so, or else....
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