Squire's Squadron: NASA to Restart Space Shuttle with Slight Modifications

Sunday, July 24, 2011

NASA to Restart Space Shuttle with Slight Modifications

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA.- After a whole lot of convincing and bake sales from elementary schools across the country, Obama has decided to reinstate the Space Shuttle Program. "Earlier, we were losing a whole lot of money and I figured, hey why not shut down one of America's most cherished and beloved icons? But now, I think as long as we play it safe we can make it work," said the President last Sunday.

Artist's Representation of new racing Shuttles

So, what are these changes, you ask. Well, it appears that a few of the Florida and Texas employees have made a brilliant suggestion, to be modeled by NASCAR. You see, first the shuttles along with the suits will be adorned with ads everywhere. Sponsors will bid to get some coveted ad space (pun most definitely intended) which should help keep the program afloat. Then, NASA along with the Russians have inked a deal with FOX SPORTS for 20 billion dollar deal to race from Earth to the Moon and then back. Also, NASA along with the Chinese, Europe, Japan, and Russia are building an interplanetary roadway starting from Mercury all of the way to Neptune ('Cause screw you Pluto).

'Nuff Said.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a growing number of scientists that feel that this is a strange gimmick in order to make money off of our fine space program. However, since I couldn't contact them at all, I'd just assume they changed their minds. This new program, dubbed by its creators as "NASACAR" will be available on Friday nights at 9 PM Eastern, 8 PM Central.