Squire's Squadron: Shocking News! British Athletes Too Lazy to Stand!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Shocking News! British Athletes Too Lazy to Stand!

LONDON, UK- According to coaches of the British field and Track team, they are not going to be in the Opening Ceremony for their own damn country. Also, it appears as if the swimming and diving team will boycott the games as well. In order to stop the embarrassment of being the only country in the whole world to have their strongest and best not be able to stand through the ceremony, The Brits are looking for new solutions. When former British Prime Minister Tony Blair was asked about this, he responded, "Perhaps carry a damn pocket chair or something. I don't know, or maybe just suck it up! You're embarrassing us! Do you think the Chinese, Russians, or hell, even the m$^&*$#@! Americans are doing this sh*t!?"

Though those options sound good on paper, after a little investigating it seems as if laziness is actually a common thing for Olympians. "Everybody gets this crazy notion that just because you're an Olympian means that you are a Superman or some bullsh*t like that. That ain't true at all. Hell, have you seen all of the bullsh*t sports that we have? Why do you think I chose Ping Pong? Definitely not to show honor to my country!" replied Wang Hao with the assistance of a translator, who is ranked as the best table tennis player in the world. In fact as I delved even deeper, Wang Hao did have a point. Remember the Last Olympic Games where athletes were making a huge deal about the smog in Beijing and the fact that the Chinese had a distinct home-field advantage (God forbid that happen)? There was no controversy in the 1984 Olympics where Los Angeles, the smog capital of the world was hosting (consider that racism or athletes being softer), so perhaps it's best for these guys to listen to Toby Blair's advice and just suck it up.