You see, before just last year, Jose was just about to be kicked out of the big leagues for sucking so badly. But then, Jose "magically" was able to hit 54 homers in just one year, which is almost as much as the ten years beforehand. Now, he currently is on pace for another 50+ homer season, with 32 dingers already. What is his secret? When asked the same question by yours truly, Joey Bats replied "It was all thanks to Mr. Needles."
"You see, being a Latino in Canada, there is not much else to do than watch old "George Lopez" re-runs. There was this one episode where the dog, which they named Mr. Needles, cause he is so fucking messed up. Well, the dog was gonna die, just like my career, where all of a sudden he got a helping hand from a loving Lopez family. All I needed was that, and the Toronto Blue Jays have helped me with that." After correcting his swing, feeding him and giving him scheduled shots (the dog), he was back on his feet. Now, two years after leaving the god awful Pirates, Jose now is jump-starting his career and I'd be shocked if he also was uncovered as another juicer. I mean with a name like Jose, how could you not trust him? (Jose Canseco doesn't count)
*Writer's Note: Was the whole George Lopez thing a little too racist?
**Attorney General's Warning: I should slap you for being so damn ignorant!
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